Hi. Welcome to day two of my two-day tribute to how smart women are. Yesterday we took a look at the rather prodigious female capacity to be inventive. Today we’re gonna talk about another proof-positive indicator of girl brain power. I ask you, if not because of superior intellect how do you explain all of the things women can make men do?

There’s a common theory about that women have a campus, a sprawling complex in a secret location where they test the limits of what men will put up with. The objective is to find those limits and then go way, way past them to secretly establish an exhaustive list of tasks and rules and requirements that will humiliate men and therefore make them subservient.

Pretty fuckin’ smart right? … Hey, look at the brain on that chick.

The reasoning goes that if women can get men to do crazy, silly, ridiculous things, if they can get them to put up with constant arbitrary and unreasonable requests then they can kill a man’s will to live and a man without any dreams or thoughts of his own will make a better partner.

Yep, it’s all true, sinister mind control practiced at a remote location where chick executives churn out list after list of silly things. These lists then get distributed to all women at beauty parlors and nail salons and at those places where foreign women touch your feet.

I knew a guy who slept in a bed with fifty-three pillows on it. Before he could go to sleep he had to remove the pillows and place them in specific parts of the room in a perfect configuration based on size, shape and color. It was a task that involved fairly complex math and space planning and though he wanted to go to bed at 8:30 the nightly “Pillow Jenga” often meant he didn’t get to sleep until around 11.

One day this guy asked his wife, “Could we have less pillows?” “No,” she said, “It looks pretty that way.”

It turns out the pillow trick was on the Things To Try To Get Men To Tolerate list she picked up at the place where they touch your feet. This guy I know said that at first, he felt like a big pussy but that over time he had to agree that it did look pretty that way.

Of course, with this level of intelligence, women know that most men will be too humiliated to talk with their guy friends about some of the things they may be coerced to do, so women all over the country can pull out their lists and run their own little science projects undetected and undisturbed.

The holidays are a time when lots of gals will accelerate the use of the secret list and husbands, fathers and sons may be equally targeted. Helping decorate the tree last year will mean guys might have to drive around and look at Christmas lights this year … find yourself at a boat parade once can lead to (heaven forbid) standing on the curb and watching a fuckin’ real parade some day. All of this activity and 174 trips up into the attic will take place while perfectly good football games are being played on TV.

Remember, nothing is really as it seems. Women have a secret compound in the desert, like Area 51, where they plot mind control strategies. And the term girl-power is code for see if you can get him to stack the bed pillows.