Millennials are kind of an easy target, misunderstood, painted with the broad brush, and I’m not the type to pile on … uh, yes I am.

News sources say that this demographic, between the ages of eighteen and thirty-six, isn’t fond of buying things, they’d rather just rent stuff. In some way, this is pretty smart. If you never go anyplace, why own a suitcase? Just rent one if you ever earn enough money to stray from your own neighborhood. Don’t buy a bike or insurance or a dictionary or pots & pans or food, shit, you’re a millennial, you’ll probably never need the stuff normal people need.

Where this renting theory starts to leak oil, however, and when I started to fully realize that there are a fuck-load of people traversing the earth that may have a screw loose, is when I read that millennials are also renting clothes and shoes. I’m not talking about the clothes you wear to the prom, I’m talking about everyday clothes, the clothes, well, that you need to cover your ass with every damn day. These fellow travelers are renting jeans and hoodies and t-shirts. They get them from millennial stores and pay a monthly fee to rent a prescribed number of duds for a certain period of time. Crap, when they need a new pair of shoes they can just go to the bowling alley, they rent shoes to losers every day, why didn’t I think of that?

If someone would rent a pair of jeans you know they would rent underwear too. How does that work? What do they do with your soiled underwear once the rental period’s over?

“Hey man, you ready for our trip? Where’s your suitcase? Oh, I don’t own any clothes, I’ll just rent some in the next city we get to.”

Millennials seem to have a commitment problem. They want to keep their options open, they don’t want to be tied down, they’re taking a wait-and-see approach to life, they don’t want the responsibility and stress that might come from owning shoes and socks or from having your very own coat or polo shirt.

At this rate, I’m pretty sure at some point the world is gonna stop buying millennials. If a guy can’t commit to a couple of pairs of cords, if a guy can’t handle the pressure of owning his own underwear, why would any of the rest of us commit to him? No, I think that aside from my own kids I’m just gonna rent all other millennials. I’ll rent them at work, rent them as friends, rent them as neighbors, rent them until I’m sure it’s worth the investment.

I have a hard time buying into people who are scared of fabric and shoelaces and bun-huggers.