I heard a commercial that said something like, “Just send us the names of your favorite brands and we’ll send you back some clothes that you’re sure to like.” I thought to myself, That’s a really stupid idea! But then I realized that I live in a society where knuckleheads spend all of their free time inventing solutions to problems that don’t exist. The dumb ideas never stop – shirts that don’t have to be tucked in, socks that come in sizes like shoes, strollers made for dogs, people grocery shopping for you, razor blade delivery because shaving is the hardest thing men will ever have to do and it requires new blades every day.

And so we have this new form of modern-day stupidity. With buy-me-random-clothes-and-mail-them-to-me.com (or whatever it’s called) the concept seems to be that it’s better to let a total stranger, or more likely a computer algorithm, pick out your wardrobe and just send it to you before you’ve even seen it or tried it on.

The problem that doesn’t exist that they’re trying to solve is that people don’t have the time or the desire to shop. In point of fact, many women love to shop, it’s what they do, many live for it … so this stupid idea eliminates the things – hitting the stores, touching the threads, trying things on- that most women dig.

Men on the other hand not only don’t want to buy new clothes, they are perfectly willing to live the rest of their lives with just the clothes they currently have. So why the fuck would the typical man want a box of strange clothes suddenly appearing on the doorstep that he then has to try on and that will never fit? What’s worse, when they end up not fitting the dude now has to fold them back up and return ’em. Men don’t savor trying on clothes and they sure as hell don’t know how to fold anything. [By the way, ninety-nine percent of all men couldn’t name a clothing brand and they sure as fuck don’t have favorites. Here’s the brands we can readily name, Coors, Dodge, NFL.]

The customer perception that fuels this kind of nonsense is that you’re a lazy sloth. You can’t think for yourself and you really don’t have an opinion about what looks good on you. I mean holy shit! It’s 2020, who has time to think for themself? Does this look good on me? Should I buy this? How can you possibly endure this kind of pressure?

You can’t. So just pay some hipster company to make choices for you … buy your food, buy your clothes, find you dates, take you places, raise your kids.

Just abdicate. Lay down and let the machine dictate the terms of your life. Sure, if you don’t make your own decisions in this life you can’t complain about them, but then again, you don’t have to take any responsibility for them either.

And that’s what your fellow earthlings really want – instant absolution from any form of personal responsibility… it’s not my fault! Of course, you can never claim any credit should you stumble upon success, but that’s not important, what really counts is that you can never get blamed for being such a loser.

The machine owns you. They know it.

And hey, those plaid overalls look good on you.

Photo on VisualHunt.com