On average, humans have superior smelling capabilities with their left nostril.

What a great fact. It means that I can basically walk around with a finger up my right nostril and really not lose much smelling power. Beyond that, it’s simple, pretty damn gee-whiz-able and just beautifully digestible. It’s the kind of knowledge nugget that a guy like me can find, place in my little basket of enlightenment and be quickly on my way.

I know what you’re thinking, you want more info, you want to know WHY your left nostril is a better smeller. Well, I’m just basically in charge of finding the facts, and it’s not that easy. You think this awesome nose note just popped to the front of a book when I opened it? No way, I had to use a pick and shovel. Most of the good facts are buried, between pages of background and scientific dissertation and annotated explanation and algebraic algorithms. And now that I’ve unearthed this precious little flake of gold, you want more, right? Well, you can’t have it. First off, I don’t know any more. I know a keeper when I see one, and when I do, I claim it for God and country, no field sobriety test, no asking for I.D., with no hunting for corroborating evidence. Hell, I found it in a book, I accept it as fact. And you’ll just have to do the same …

And I hope you appreciate what I’m doing for you here. So we generate two to three pints of saliva a day. Don’t ask how much disgusting stuff I had to wade through to find this out; suffice it to say it was a lot gnarlier than mere drool. Apples have been around for 65 million years; there are 110,000 different kinds of rice, not counting “wild” rice; and banana trees can grow 24 inches in a day and are not trees at all but the world’s tallest grass. The theory goes that the saliva helps us break down fruits, vegetables (is rice a vegetable?) and everything else.  

There are more ghosts per square mile in England than anywhere else in the world. I’m not afraid of ghosts. I believe that if you’re not talking to the souls of the dead every day then you’re a boring nut. Samuel Taylor Coleridge said, “I can easily believe there are more invisible creatures in the universe than visible ones.”  

The Portuguese oak tree gives us cork; each tree can live up to 200 years and can produce enough bark for 4,000 corks. Bartenders everywhere thank you, little Portuguese oak, and they now apparently pour whiskey and rocks with confidence, as I learned that ice doesn’t dilute a cocktail; rather, by loosening the hold that alcohol has on aromatic molecules, it heightens the flavor. Sounds like there should be a big cheers! to me.

I probably sound like a really smart science guy, but it’s not so. Like most Americans, I’m a failure at science, but I’m still somehow drawn to it. I’m constantly on the lookout for fun facts with science or semi-science themes, hoping to feed my head, trying to peek through the chain link fence that separates me from intelligence. But, alas, much of this stuff is over my head. Mostly, this is a “me” problem, but I can’t help but feel that when the subject is even a little bit academic, the authors write the book or article like a test: “You can’t have the answers until you work through the problem on your own.”

This sucks, so I’m taking one for the team, I’m finding fascinating facts and giving them to you all for free, as a public service. Only you can judge the ultimate value of this gift I bring you, but I say that knowing an isolated truth about how your nose works or about slobber or cork trees or ghosts is priceless. There are only five basic tastes, but an infinite number of smells and the average human sniff takes about 1.6 seconds. It all has the aroma of knowledge to me.