The Sad Story Of “Flip Flop” Guy

He wears thongs (on his feet) virtually everywhere he goes but he’s never going to the beach. He wears them to a ball game even though it’s likely that beer will be spilled all around him and that he may need to wade through a men’s bathroom with overflowing piss troughs. On rainy days in February, he exposes his feet. He wears the cheapest sandals made when he’s out on the town, he wears them with Dockers, with gym shorts, he wears them horseback riding. If he needed to go to a construction site he’d wear them there and there’s no amount of potential dirt or fashion advice or public humiliation that can dissuade him because, well, he’s Flip-Flop Guy. If you pay attention in the course of daily life you’re sure to see him.

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Sock-Shoe, Sock-Shoe

A lot of you don’t know how to put your shoes and socks on. It’s sad really, alarming and sad. The time that was spent teaching children how to tie their shoes, it turns out, should have been spent on backing up a step and showing them how to actually install the socks and the shoes. Now it’s an epidemic with a huge swath of humans picking up shoes and picking up socks and just putting them on any old way – willy-nilly! Maybe a bit of explanation and a little song will help.

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