I lit a cigar, was maybe ten puffs in, minding my own business, wondering how many days in a row I could write about cereal when I stumbled across the root cause of one of society’s most vexing problems, childhood obesity. It turns out the little fatsos have been eating Honey Nut Cheerios a couple of times a week. Problem solved! I’m glad it’s over. If we can just dial back consumption of those fuckin’ O’s we can have a pizza and get on with our skinny lives.