Are you getting a new car for Christmas? Me neither, so you might want to stop watching television, especially NFL games because if you watch the commercials, you may think you’re getting a new luxury vehicle with a big red bow on it … and I don’t want you to get your hopes up. If you watch the TV ads closely, you’ll notice that these new cars are typically parked in front of just-built, upscale houses and come furnished with a hot new wife, and while I can’t comment on your spouse, I do know that you’re typically thirty days late on your mortgage and that your house is sixty years old and sits on the riverbed. Anyway, there’s lots of stuff you won’t be getting this holiday season.

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