Football players can’t get their own drinks. It’s odd. They appear coordinated but they can’t seem to master the intricate interplay between helmet, drinking device and mouth so universities have to hire dozens of waiters and waitresses to mingle with the players with the sole duty of squeezing streams of liquid through facemasks and into parched little throats.
There’s a play-calling sickness in college football – football at every level, really – and no team is safe. It’s called the zone read and in a copycat football universe, it is infecting everything in its path. Its symptoms include: abandonment of traditional power running games, disasters in short yardage and goal-line situations, paralyzing playcalling predictability and silly, unforced turnovers. It’s affecting the health of college football, won’t you please help?