I’ve made it to an age when I’m not sure if I have actual memories or whether I’ve concocted them all in my head as I’ve gone along. But I know my dad gave me a lot of cool stuff, concepts to live by mostly, but one of the grooviest things he turned me onto was USC football.
I can pretty much fix the things that are wrong with football. It just takes a little tough love and enforcing a few rules, using some common sense. Football is just like life and sometimes you get into a rut and continue to do lame things out of force of habit or because everybody else does it or because change is too hard. It’s not too hard, in fact, when I clap my hands all the fixes outlined below will magically happen.
Football players can’t get their own drinks. It’s odd. They appear coordinated but they can’t seem to master the intricate interplay between helmet, drinking device and mouth so universities have to hire dozens of waiters and waitresses to mingle with the players with the sole duty of squeezing streams of liquid through facemasks and into parched little throats.