The Four Seasons … Of Candy

Californians often lament the absence of seasons. They get chapped about 90-degree January days and Autumn afternoons that aren’t crisp enough. This mainly happens because too many people still consider the seasons as being winter, spring, summer and fall. I long ago stopped viewing them that way and have made candy the focal point of my life so the seasons too me are Candy Hearts, Jelly Beans, Saltwater Taffy and Red Licorice. It’s way sweeter than waiting for leaves to fall or measuring the fuckin’ snowpack.

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Cavity Search

The original Life Savers flavors: Pep-O-Mint, Wint-O-Green, Vi-O-Let, Choc-O-Late, Cin-O-Mon, Cl-O-ve, Lic-O-Rice.

-O- how clever. -O- how delicious. -O- brother! Life Savers are tasty. Wild Cherry’s good, wintergreen can hit the spot, Pep-O-Mint burns the inside of your mouth. They used to have a pack called Fancy Fruits – delish; there was a grapefruit-flavored one in there. I’ve eaten thousands and thousands of packs, always using my fingernail to push the next candy to the top of the pack, so that at pack’s end I’d have a perfectly hollow, intact package. That’s how the professionals do it.  

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