Posted on by Patrick

Beer Detective.

EPISODE #1: Drinkers In Disguise.

He talked with a fake British accent. Lots of people do nowadays. Experimenting with the Queen’s English can be popular with chicks and it leaves an impression of sophistication and intelligence that would be an unlikely impression otherwise. To his credit, this dude did have an ever-so-slight resemblance to the Roger Moore 007. One popular stunt perpetrated by all fake Brits is the guess-the-origin-of-my-phony-accent game. Here’s a handy tip: you’ll never, EVER, guess where his accent is from. “Hey, is that a British accent?” “Nope, Australian.” In the fake accent community, they’re big on mystery, so no matter what you say they will always move the target. You say British they say Aussie, guess Australian they’ll say they’re from South Africa. Ireland? Nah, Wales. Scottish? Northern Ireland actually.

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Posted on by Patrick

Where Were You…?

  • When they changed the flavor of green-colored candies (Life-Savors, Skittles, countless others) from lime to green apple or watermelon or melon or who knows what flavor? On whose authority was this decision made and to whom do I lodge a formal complaint? Why pick on the lime? We all know he is more refreshing and has more personality than the lemon, yet, still, almost all yellow candies remain lemon flavored. You can’t just hijack a candy flavor without some sort of vote or global discussion. I plan to litter the landscape with green candies in protest.
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Posted on by Patrick

When Church Goes To Hell

Let’s say you go to church. And for the sake of argument let’s make it a Christian church of any denomination, Catholic, baptist, evangelical, some flavor of Protestant. You go once a week, maybe more and you put money in the little basket they pass around, perhaps just a few dollars, but it’s money just the same. In general, you see it as a humbling process and a tiny little step toward being a better person.

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