Stories & Anecdotes – Page 23 – They're Just Words

Posted on December 2, 2017January 25, 2018 by Patrick

Your Basic Hollywood Square

“Transported to a surreal landscape, a young girl kills the first person she sees, then teams with three strangers to kill again.”
The plot of The Wizard of Oz, as listed in the TV Times

I’m not big on Hollywood. The last movie I saw in the theater was Old Yeller. I ate Raisinets and Jujubes (when they tasted like medicine, not fruit). I’m not typically starstruck. I don’t follow movie types or actors, either literally or virtually. I only really watch sports on the TV, but like most Americans, I have 319 other cable stations, just in case.

Posted on December 1, 2017November 30, 2017 by Patrick

Long Pants And Riding The Humiliation Train

Ever been to Kohl’s? It sounds like it should be a German Hofbrauhaus but I can assure you, there’s no beer involved. No man would ever go there of his own accord. If you find yourself alone and in a Kohl’s parking lot, then you my friend are in a dark desperate place. Get help. Reach out to someone, because this kind of confusion doesn’t go away on its own. Reach between your legs, take inventory and get the hell out of there. I’d hate to see your life end up at a Dollar Tree or a Nordstrom Rack or, holy fuck, the Burlington Coat Factory.

It all went sideways for me on account of I don’t wear long pants.

Posted on November 23, 2017January 25, 2018 by Patrick

Americaland

This is an excerpt from my recent book, Lessons From The Good Books, What a Reading Addiction Taught Me About America, Music & Sports ©2016. The “Lessons” are set off in bold type.

Bismarck, North Dakota, is the bulls-eye of America, equidistant from the Pacific and the Atlantic, and from the Arctic Ocean to the Gulf of Mexico. Me and my oldest son had the occasion not too long ago to pretty much drive through the whole of America, east to west. Along the way, we solved a lot of the country’s problems.