The Only Lunch That Works

If you’re reconciled to the fact that you’ll need to work your entire life, then you’ve undoubtedly acquired a few valuable survival skills. One that I’ve long relied on is a very narrow definition of lunchOn the first day at my first real job, I went outside and ate lunch in my truck. Being the first day and all, I didn’t want to wander into the common lunch area and be spotted as the new guy. I didn’t want to watch strangers eat and they for damn sure couldn’t handle watching me. I’ve done the same thing since, every single day of my working life.

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The Broken Pledge

When I got to college they called me “undecided.” I wasn’t undecided. Undecided is vacillating between options, you can’t make up your mind – bacon, ham or sausage? It wasn’t that, I didn’t even know what the choices were, I was uninformed, unaware, unfocused. The world could call me undecided but I was unfazed, I mean, how much different could it be from high school? Turns out, not that different, especially if you never go to class and blow off most assignments.

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Pig Ice Cream With A Bacon Swirl

When you order ice cream at Baskin-Robbins, the cute girl with a little bit of acne grabs a scooper from the water-filled trough that holds the other scoopers and she flips open the hinged glass door that provides access to the thirty-one large tubs of ice cream that have names on a paper tag like Miami Ice and Chocolate Fulfill-MintThese three-gallon tubs are made of cheap cardboard so that they’re easier to lift but they freeze solid and provide decent insulation, and with a little practice an ice cream employee can perfect the technique and soon be rolling out tennis-ball-sized ice cream spheres in all flavors.

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