Stories & Anecdotes – They're Just Words

Posted on February 13, 2021February 10, 2021 by Patrick

They’re Gonna Miss Me.

One of the most deliciously-awkward phenomena in the American workplace is the I’m-quitting email, sometimes known as the Farewell email or the This-isn’t-goodbye email. I seem to get one about once a week and though they are usually broadcast to the whole company, hundreds of people, I pretty much view them as words directly aimed at me … which is odd given the fact that I rarely know any of these people and, in some cases, have never physically seen them or spoken to them.

Posted on January 27, 2021January 27, 2021 by Patrick

That Strange Cold Space.

Did you use to have a butter dish? Me too. Those were good days. Ours was made of high-grade Chinese plastic with a lid that created a snug little cradle and all you had to do is rest the rectangular stick of butter on the base and you were ready for any buttery adventure that walked across your kitchen. There was no hard butter like they have in Romania just soft American butter. A piece of cinnamon toast? Yer ready with the nice butter nest you kept in the pantry. A baked potato, a frozen waffle, a peanut butter & butter sandwich on
Wonder Bread, a chunk of instantly-spreadable butter on a delectable muffin? The butter dish always comes through. Life was just better before eaters had to rely on soft, ghetto margarine.

Posted on January 17, 2021January 17, 2021 by Patrick

The Seven Dwarfs Got Married.

Once the dwarfs started to see a little cash from the 1937 movie they made, and after it became clear that none of them would score Snow White, the first thing they wanted to do was find wives. After all, even though the movie makeup gave them a youthful, some say adolescent appearance, these short miners were getting old. Even Dopey was in his thirties. They knew the deck was stacked against them. The typical, reasonably-sustainable job for a dwarf in those days in the faraway hill country where they lived was mining, and as such, there were thousands of the little dudes in the vicinity. Conversely, only a handful of small chicks wanted to be around the dirty human moles. Now that they had some extra dough in their tiny pockets they all figured they’d be players – figuratively speaking, big fish in a dwarfed-sized pond.