Infected With Stupidity (Or Everything Will Be OK As Long As You Have Lots Of Toilet Paper)

The people you share the planet with are sheep. Non-thinking, quick-to-panic, I-did-it-because-they-did-it, wool-less sheep. This weekend the whole herd descended on the unsuspecting super-market, like a swarm of locusts attacking a field of corn. There’s no logic to what they bought. They shopped like the city was leveled, as if the mother of all earthquakes shook the earth and they drooled and they had the red eyes of rabid wolves, ironic since sheep are ascared of wolves.

It appears that a large contingent among was just waiting for the chance to go post-nuclear.

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Just Send Me Any Clothes You Want

I heard a commercial that said something like, “Just send us the names of your favorite brands and we’ll send you back some clothes that you’re sure to like.” I thought to myself, That’s a really stupid idea! But then I realized that I live in a society where knuckleheads spend all of their free time inventing solutions to problems that don’t exist. The dumb ideas never stop – shirts that don’t have to be tucked in, socks that come in sizes like shoes, strollers made for dogs, people grocery shopping for you, razor blade delivery because shaving is the hardest thing men will ever have to do and it requires new blades every day.

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Where Were You…?

  • When they changed the flavor of green-colored candies (Life-Savors, Skittles, countless others) from lime to green apple or watermelon or melon or who knows what flavor? On whose authority was this decision made and to whom do I lodge a formal complaint? Why pick on the lime? We all know he is more refreshing and has more personality than the lemon, yet, still, almost all yellow candies remain lemon flavored. You can’t just hijack a candy flavor without some sort of vote or global discussion. I plan to litter the landscape with green candies in protest.
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