Today’s lesson concerns grocery shopping. It’s important to use certain strategies and mental approaches, and if you follow along, you can greatly reduce the chance of seeing anyone you know, increase the likelihood that normal, edible, high-in-sugar-and-salt items end up in your cart and guarantee that you emerge from the weekly ordeal with a measurable amount of testosterone still coursing through your veins.
A lot of you don’t know how to put your shoes and socks on. It’s sad really, alarming and sad. The time that was spent teaching children how to tie their shoes, it turns out, should have been spent on backing up a step and showing them how to actually install the socks and the shoes. Now it’s an epidemic with a huge swath of humans picking up shoes and picking up socks and just putting them on any old way – willy-nilly! Maybe a bit of explanation and a little song will help.
A lot of people have apparently made up their minds about time travel. They pick Star Wars. They want spaceships and robots and lightsabers and intergalactic shenanigans. They’re stoked about living someplace other than earth although there really doesn’t seem to be that much to do and there appears to be a serious shortage of chicks. I don’t pretend to understand it. I find earth to have some groovy things going for it and, this is just me, but if I was forced to pick an alternate dimension, I’d pick Bedrock.