All The Songs Are Trapped Inside

I spend a fair amount of time thinking about music, about the arrangements, the interplay between instruments and the human voice, the melodic genius that makes a song classic. I think about the dozens of individual performances and the vision of the songwriters that need to be magically synchronized in order to complete what used to be known as a long player. I wonder about the pictures on the cover and the liner notes and the storytelling that was intended in the naming of the songs and the thought that went into ordering the eleven tracks. And as I consider the ways in which music can enrich life and how one killer rock show can change the world, I think mostly about the reasons why there’s a clandestine conspiracy to prevent me from hearing the songs on the CD.

read more

It Was Honey Nut Cheerios All Along

I lit a cigar, was maybe ten puffs in, minding my own business, wondering how many days in a row I could write about cereal when I stumbled across the root cause of one of society’s most vexing problems, childhood obesity. It turns out the little fatsos have been eating Honey Nut Cheerios a couple of times a week. Problem solved! I’m glad it’s over. If we can just dial back consumption of those fuckin’ O’s we can have a pizza and get on with our skinny lives.

read more