Most of the people I encounter should spend less time trying to be gluten-free and make a more concerted effort to be glutton-free.
What would happen if the time invested on social media was instead channeled toward acquiring social graces?
Every emoji wink creates a proportional real-world personality shrink.
The wine industry preys on drunks and the soul-saving industry prays with wine.
An Acadian is a French Canadian who hangs out in Nova Scotia. An arcadian is an amateur conman who hangs out where they play skeeball.
There are certain things grown-ups should never say … “That’s so dope!” Uttering this makes you one, a dope that is. Call a guy a dope if you need to, but if you ever wear long pants you shouldn’t describe something as so dope.
Don’t ever say grande. You can’t just switch languages when you’re talking about drink sizes, especially if you’re talking to a white slacker pouring coffee. Say large or tall or just point to the cup size you prefer, unless it’s a gal with Double Ds.
An adult with any sense should never say “Give it up for…” As in, Hey you guys, give it up for Frank! What exactly is being given up anyway? I say anyone who speaks this dumb phrase is giving up their last sliver of intelligence.
Did you ever say, “It’s all good” or “No worries”? This is just lazy language and people allowing the illiterate herd to hijack their minds. Nothing should just automatically come out of your mouth because the words have simply become social currency. Nothing can be ALL good. If you and some shlub bump into each other at the Hardees because he was trying to eat his fries and take a picture of them at the same time, and he looks at you and says, It’s all good like he has some sort of superpower to make all things good, I take offense. The only way to make it ALL good would be for this guy and his French fry-eating friends to all get the fuck out of my Hardees.
What if you apologize to a dude because you cut him off with your grocery cart and he responds, “No worries”? What does that even mean? What the fuck does he know about my worries? I worry about having to share the fuckin’ grocery store with guys in their boxers with a cart full of jicama.
My bad! When someone says “my bad” what they are really saying is “I’m illiterate and I will say anything that’s popular and endorsed by society’s cultural apparatus … I’ll say OMG which for all practical purposes makes me a D.O.P.E.”
Did you ever witness a conversation where a guy ends every sentence by saying, “I feel you, bro”? I’m uncomfortable with bros of a certain demographic always feeling each other.
As you know, we should never judge other people … but if we did it should totally be based on what comes out of their mouths (oh, and the kind of car they drive).
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