The Miss America Pageant really hasn’t been a “thing” for what, twenty years? Even back then I never met anyone who really gave a crap about it and now, well, I really think you can just blow-up the entire concept.

Miss America, Inc. or whatever you call it has announced they are doing away with the traditional swimsuit and evening gown portions of the pageant and that leaves exactly what? Pageant officials say, “We will no longer judge our candidates on their outward physical appearance.” And I say that’s cool, so just abolish the whole thing and stop wasting our time, because if it’s not about “beauty” then – newsflash – you have no reason to exist.

The “pageant” can’t be about character because we already have a contest for that, it’s called life. If it’s supposed to judge general intelligence, we have game shows and college scholarships for that. If it’s now about talent there are seventeen TV programs and circuses and Nights at the Improv that are filling that niche.

Sorry, but the entire country, for all these years, has viewed the stupid pageant as a “hottest girl contest.” They don’t need to walk around in swimsuits and it doesn’t need to be about how skinny they are, but why can’t it be a pretty girl contest?

Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing you could do that would make me watch the dumb Miss Politically-Correct Self Esteem Pageant, I just think that after nearly 100 years of staging a “beauty” pageant it’s sad to suddenly deny everything about it.

Okay, so we can’t celebrate cute girls anymore. Put Miss America out of her misery. At least on one point men and the angry female mob have something in common – no one’s gonna watch a four-hour presentation of plain-looking women reciting poetry in pantsuits.

I get it, this is just the latest in the all-men-are-pervs movement, but the average Mr. America had nothing to do with what Miss America was or is or would have been and while you can ban all public beauty pageants (and please do) I’m still gonna stage perfectly-innocent cute girl contests in my mind … and of course, those girls can wear whatever makes them feel comfortable.

Photo credit: susivinh on Visualhunt.com/ CC BY-ND