Well, I don’t actually live with him, I mean, I would, but I don’t think he has room … What I mean to say is that I kinda have a lot of Snoopy stuff around, in every room, and I’ve read lots of comics and some books and there are calendars and lunch pails and rubber soap dishes from fifty years ago that cost five bucks and while we don’t technically live together I think we understand each other and so we sorta live in the same metaphysical space.

But if we did live together, I’d probably move in with Snoopy, because, well, he has nicer things than I do and his house is much bigger than it looks, and Snoopy’s older than me and a little bit set in his ways. Snoopy’s doghouse first appeared in a comic strip in 1951 and the house still looks like new. It’s not filled with dog hair because, like most dogs, Snoopy spends most of his time outdoors. As you know, he sleeps on the roof because dogs are always hot with that fur coat and all, and they like to be where the air circulates. He mostly goes inside when he has guests which is pretty much all the time. Woodstock and his friends are frequent visitors. They’re fond of playing dominoes, but Snoopy has had to kick them out several times on account of they were gambling. Peppermint Patty and Linus have had sleepovers (though not at the same time) and they speak highly of the accommodations.

A doghouse can be an amazing place and, I don’t know the last time you were actually in your dog’s house, but you might want check because they tend to be hoarders. Snoopy has a lot of sports gear in his house, there’s a basketball hoop and lots of different rackets and he has a pool table and a ping-pong table. Balls tend to be flying everywhere. But it’s not all fun and games; just because you lap water from a bowl doesn’t mean you lack sophistication entirely.

Like I said, I’ve seen volumes of Peanuts strips over the years so I can vouch for Snoopy’s style and attention to detail. Of course, the place (the dog house) is air-conditioned and there’s fluorescent lighting. He has a painting by Van Gogh and there’s a mural on the ceiling painted by Linus some years ago. There’s a grandfather clock, stained glass windows, a color TV, a library, photo albums and records, a bird bath and artfully shot photographs of every dog bowl he’s ever owned (kind of a sentimental ol’ beagle that Snoopy). He also has a bunch of flasks and in the corner what appears to be a distilling rig which would seem to indicate that, at some point, Snoopy was making his own hooch. There have been mid-air collisions with the Red Baron and Snoopy’s lost the house to fire and other natural and Charles Schultz-invented disasters, but he always rebuilds. You have to admire his tenacity and financial resources.

Anyway, should I disappear from time to time for a day or two, you’ll know where I’ll be.