A football player said something offensive, turns out that something was “I’m sorry.” The words spoken implied that a female reporter didn’t have the skillset to do her job, that the question she asked was such a big bluff that it was “funny.”

Now, this player could have answered this specific question in a million ways, but the way he chose, the way he essentially stopped the press conference to communicate, was clearly heartfelt. If not in this instance than surely in others, he’d given this belief some thought, and now, in a true-life situation, it came out. So why apologize?

Well, I know why? People typically apologize when they get caught doing or saying something wrong. And in most situations, in cases where some degree of character exists, that wrong will trigger a twinge of guilt that then brings on a spontaneous apology. That kind of apology has some intrinsic value, as it comes from an act of self examination. When apologies are coerced, they don’t count. When they come at the behest of a handler, they don’t count. When they are made to protect your financial standing or so you might continue to sell yogurt, they don’t count.

Athletes aren’t the only ones who hold unpopular or misguided opinions. The problem is that they think their sports status gives them human status they haven’t earned. They play life by different rules. When the rest of us shlubs create controversy in the workplace, we have to wear it, and the consequences don’t go away with a note from your mom or a reluctant apology.

I think Cam Newton believes that women don’t belong in his workplace. He introduced the concept on his own, his lips formed the syllables that were in his mind. Unlike the apology, his view wasn’t coerced.

Say something real. Say that there’s a lot in life that you haven’t figured out. Say that enlightenment is a pursuit that doesn’t end. Tell the truth as you see it, stand up and talk about it, see what happens. At some level, people may be able to respect that, even silly ideas can be entertained if expressed with honesty. Stop hiding behind the apology and stop saying you’re sorry when you aren’t.