Your degree of crankiness can largely depend on the weather, and come rain or shine the “Cranky Old Guy” is always asking the life questions that can’t really be answered.

• Why have I been on “STORMWATCH!” well over 5,000 times but in all these years it’s only sprinkled at my house a handful of times? How do weathermen keep their jobs, only palm readers are wrong this often? Can I sue for pain and suffering based on the angst I’ve experience while constantly preparing for rain Armageddon? Are the TV networks liable for the fake news they create every two weeks to prop-up ratings, how do I sell the ark I bought after they told me we were gonna float away?
• Why are there dogs called Pugs when they really look and act like pigs? Is it a typo? Why do some amongst us continue to insist these animals are cute? Pugs aren’t cute. If a person had their characteristics you would avert your eyes. They have squished faces, tails that won’t straighten and since their bodies are folded on top of themselves like an accordion, their breathing is labored and noisy. The little pig-dogs have to slumber with one of those sleep masks so they don’t expire during the night.
• Why is it that when somebody says, “It is what it is” I always hear, “I’m a lazyass who doesn’t want to work very hard to find the answers in life and if I categorize something as organically unchangeable then I won’t have to assume responsibility for any of the things I’ve done to fuck up my own life?”
• Why do grown adults use childish code like LOL and OMG when attempting public discourse? Well, even the Cranky Old Guy knows the answer to that one … they’re illiterate. D.U.H.
• Why do people (mostly women) say, “Well, we’ve been married for a year, but we’ve been together for nine years?” Do they want special credit, some sort of special designation? Do women want to be congratulated for not being able to get another date for those first nine years before blackmailing some poor toad into marrying them?