Underwear Secrets

I read in the paper that they will no longer show the Victoria’s Secret Underwear Show (or whatever it’s actually called) on network TV. This has to be heartbreaking news for the seven pervs in Nebraska that don’t get cable. I actually didn’t know that Victoria Secret was still a thing, I mean, last century if you intercepted one of their catalogs in the mail it meant you were having a pretty good day, but that was twenty years ago. Maybe they’ve been keeping their existence a secret.

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The Dumb Water Experiment

How many times a day should you pee? Ten times? Twelve? Seventeen? Ya, about seventeen. It would be twenty-three but you’re apt to doze off a few times during the night. This is your reality if you decide to try what the world keeps bugging you about – staying hydrated. You gotta fuckin’ stay hydrated, you should drink at least sixteen ounces every hour, but don’t worry, it’s good for you, it will cleanse you, give you more energy, purge your body of all those toxins that make you twitch and give you headaches and fill your mind with diabolical thoughts.

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Separated At Birth, My New Gay Friend

Cigar salutations from the Old Glory Society*

Within hours of moving into a new house, less than a mile away, I discovered a bar owned by an Irish immigrant. In a pretty soft town, it had a hard reputation. Dudes were known to get cracked across the skull with pool cues and drunks would sit shoulder-to-shoulder in this place waiting for the sideways glance or the smug remark that would start the night’s fisticuffs. Still, a man needs a place to go.

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